How Single Men and Women Think (Alike) When Coupling Up
When love hits, you are filled with sexual desire combined with love and affection and needs of all kinds attached to one person. Then, your insecurities take over and you convince yourself it’s “only lust”. This is mutual to both men and women alike.
How women (generally speaking) think about men
Women think men don’t really want women for companionship but rather just for sex and for minding their children. (Sometimes this is true, too, but it’s been applied to all men and all situations across the board.) They believe men don’t want women to love them or care for them but really it’s about one thing only with men, and everything extra that comes along with that, it’s going to be a bit of a burden and something they don’t really want; the ball and the chain. Therefore, this becomes a game of bargaining: If I give you this, you’ll have to give me that. “What are you willing to give to me if I give you sex?” Men tend to think that women are after money and safety in the form of power, but what women expect is a pretense of true love, pretense of respect, willingness to do as you’re told and abide by societal rules of marriage, and for the man to not embarrass her in front of her family and friends. Women don’t normally wish for true emotions from him, they simply hope for the next best thing; the pretense of what would look like a real, happy marriage. They expect to get the fulfillment and human connection from the children that the marriage produces.
Many women also feel the need to be careful to not “let the sisterhood down” by allowing a man to “abuse her” in any way. In the modern world the red flags of “abuse” are going to be flying high all the time, including but not limited to doing anything the man would like. This is because if one woman agrees that *this* is acceptable, then she’ll send a message to other men that they have the right to expect *this* to happen in their relationships, and, therefore, cause a collapse of the feminist front. All too often women go into relationships with a “women against men” mentality, that is clearly never going to work in the favor of the relationship no matter how much you try.
She will tie the knot when she finds a guy who ticks all the boxes of a “normal”, “respectable”, and “respecting” guy, who is not likely to put her to shame later on in life.
How men (generally speaking) think about women
Men have to go through a value judgement. Is this woman worth a) giving up my freedom to date other women b) giving up or reducing the time I spend with my friends and my hobbies c) giving up a whole lot of my money in my bid to be good to this woman d) risk losing some of my self-control and self-respect, and what are the benefits? Is this woman going to a) give me a lift in my social status due to marrying/going steady with someone better than I deserve b) is she going to be sexually willing and open c) is she going to take part in my finances or am I going to be solely responsible for her and our potential children financially? d) is she going to provide intellectual conversation opportunities or am I going to be listening to mindless crap being repeated all hours of the day – is she pretty enough to endure those moments? e) Is she even fertile? f) How long before she loses her looks? g) Is there any chance at all, that this woman might actually love him? That sort of thing.
Once he finds someone who he estimates to be as good as he’s ever going to get and most likely loyal (for either the virtue of her character or because he realizes she’s in love with him) he will be ready to tie the knot. If luck will have it, he’ll also be in love with her – although that is always risky business. It is very likely that he’s going to choose someone he is not quite that much in love with because he thinks his chances of not being cheated on are better with a second runner up than the first one.
This is not being “calculating” it is being “realistic”
The worst thing is, more or less everyone does this. Even romantics, because we have been told to be realistic and not trust feelings of love, let alone lust when making serious decisions like this. Even when people get together with the one they would DIE to have for themselves for the rest of their lives, they are likely to break up with them before they feel they get too deep into it. They think that “OK, I’m going to remember this for the rest of my life, but I will not going to be stupid enough to let this get too far when I’m only going to see it go up in flames later on.” The societal message to not trust these emotions is so strong, that it’s probably been centuries since the last couple trusted them and gave it a good go, so we all think it won’t happen. 😉
Some people even sabotage their own relationship with the one they are truly in love with in order to make their reality match their idea of what is realistic to expect. If they cannot see anything to complain about, if everything is going entirely too good, perfectly, and they are in blissful happiness, people so often start looking for trouble. Their world view is so threatened that they are willing to destroy the relationship in order to feel safety in their misery.
How should you think instead?
Who am I to say, obviously, but I would suggest that you get out of your head and focus on how you feel. If there are fears present, access those fears and see what they are truly about. Who told you to be afraid? Why are you afraid? Why would you let the chance of loving the best girl or guy you’ve ever known pass you by? Is the risk of getting hurt or ridiculed really that great that you should pass on the opportunity to see where this could take you? Could you actually have a conversation with the person who you are thinking about and see if you see eye to eye about things? Could you perhaps understand where they are coming from, even though they are of the opposite gender? Could you believe that what they say is actually the truth and not just some made up story to make you fall for them deeper? And could you, possibly, maybe, consider the incredible odds that you might have found someone that truly, deeply loves you and for that reason, acts all weird around you.
Juicy words men are dying to hear (You’ll be shocked & intrigued)