Dating Blogs

Love Across Cyberspace: It Can Work!

They say that the Internet is shrinking the world. Online, you can meet and exchange ideas with people you otherwise would never encounter. But when you fall in love with someone over the Internet, with hundreds - or even thousands - of miles between you, the world can seem much too big.

Chins up, long-distance lovers. It can work. Below are some cases in point.

Long-Distance Success Stories

(The names and locations have been changed.)

Rob was a 42-year-old computer programmer living in Philadelphia. He was recovering from a very dysfunctional relationship when he met Rhonda on an Internet Relay Chat (IRC) channel. Rhonda seemed like the woman of his dreams - a beautiful, intelligent, self-assured, 46-year-old art dealer and former model; but Rhonda lived 300 miles away, in San Francisco. Through weeks and months of late-night chat sessions, their friendship grew deep. Five months after their first online conversation, they decided to meet in person. They chose New Orleans, a place in between that they had both always wanted to visit. They were careful to keep their expectations low, to avoid potential disappointment. After all, each had already met people online, and then later in person, only to discover that online chemistry does not necessarily guarantee face-to-face chemistry. With Rob and Rhonda, however, it turned out that the face-to-face chemistry was clearly there, as evidenced right away by the steamy cab ride from the airport to the hotel. A year later, Rob landed a programming job in Silicon Valley, and he and Rhonda were married. It's been three years since the wedding, and they're still living happily ever after.

Laura was a 32-year-old flight attendant living in Chicago when she met Eduard, a 36-year-old Parisian businessman, in an online chat room. While Laura spoke no French, Eduard read, wrote, and spoke English fluently, and the two quickly developed a friendship. Eventually, Laura arranged to work a Chicago-to-Paris flight, with a two-day layover, and she and Eduard met in person. They enjoyed each other's company so much that Laura arranged to work the Chicago-to-Paris route on a regular basis. After two years, their long-distance friendship continues, and has blossomed into a serious romance. Laura, who is now fluent in French, is currently negotiating with her airline to arrange a permanent transfer to Paris.

Joanne, a 28-year-old marketing executive from Boston, met Brian, a 40-year-old manufacturer's representative from Cleveland, at a convention in Baltimore. A friendship developed over dinner and drinks on the last night of the convention. They exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers, and agreed to stay in touch. Their friendship grew, and a romance developed. Since they both travel extensively in their work, they took advantage of their frequent flyer programs and started visiting each other as often as possible. Their long-distance romance continues.

Making it Work

For every long-distance relationship that works, surely there are several that don't. When your lover lives far away, he or she can't always be there in an emergency, or when you're ill, or when you're lonely, or when you just need a hug. So how can you make it work? Our successful couples comment:

"You have to have trust," says marketing exec Joanne. "If I constantly wondered if Brian were seeing other women out there in Cleveland, while I am out of sight, it wouldn't work. I would become a nervous wreck, and he would always be on the defensive. Those kinds of emotions have no place in a healthy relationship."

"It helps if both parties are independent," says flight attendant Laura. "I was very happy with my life before I met Eduard, and he was doing just fine as well. Neither of us was necessarily looking for a relationship, so there was never any pressure. We started out as casual friends, and our feelings grew from there. No pressure, no neediness, no anxiety. I could live without him, and he could live without me. We just prefer to be together."

But it doesn't have to be that casual, according to Rob. "Rhonda and I fell madly in love, first online and then later in person. It felt right. There was no question that we belonged together. There was no jealousy, no doubt, no insecurity. We had found each other. We belonged together. So we did what were meant to do. Now we're husband and wife, and we couldn't be happier. True love can overcome any obstacle."

Rob's last line says it all. Long-distance romance isn't for everyone. But if you find Mr. or Ms. Right online, and you are both willing to work at it, you just might find true love.

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You will never look back!

I’ve been dabbling with online dating for over a year now, and I think I have figured out a lot about how it works. What I have found to be the most crucial aspect of online dating can be stated with one simple word, “honesty.”

When a person, who is hopeful of finding a lasting relationship, or even friendship, writes their initial profile on a dating site, great care should be taken to keep it within the bounds of truth.

Writing your online profile on a dating site is kind of like writing a resume. You have to keep in mind that you are not writing the profile for yourself, you are writing the profile to be viewed by a prospective friend/suitor.

A lot of people tend to be very vain in this respect, and that is something that needs to be taken out of the equation quickly, if you ever hope to nurture a lasting relationship in cyber space.

There are people out there just like you, who are looking for the same things in life as you are, you just have to bide your time and keep trying.

When typing on your keyboard, you are actually anonymous; you can write anything you want to about yourself, thinking that no one will know the difference. This isn’t exactly so. There are dozens of ways people can get information about you these days. Being untruthful about yourself in cyber space can, and will, come back to haunt you.

Don’t lie about smoking and drinking, or your present living arrangements. Above all, don’t lie about your size or body style, which is where most people make their mistakes. If you are BBW, then that is what and who you are, say so, there is no need to be ashamed of not being built like a model.

It makes no difference whether you are male or female, there is someone out there just like you that you can have a great relationship with.

If you are unsure about what you are looking for in life, then say so, there are lots of us in that boat. The main thing with a profile is to be genuine and tell it like it is.

Another good point to remember is to be brief with your profile. Long drawn out profiles tend to bore people and usually end up confusing the reader at some point. Don’t act overconfident about yourself. As an example; if you feel that you have to write something about yourself, don’t say that you “are” outgoing or reliable, what you need to say is that you “try” to be outgoing and reliable.

One who is trying or striving to be a better person will get a lot more results than one who is too sure about themselves.

When writing about what you are looking for in a relationship, don’t get too complicated and write a big list about what you want or don’t want. This can put people off and close the door on a lot of those who may want to change their lifestyle to coincide with yours. There’s nothing wrong with stating that you prefer a non-smoker, just don’t get carried away with particulars.

And last but certainly not least, is the all important profile photo. A lot of folks don’t have access to camera’s or someone to take their picture. I believe it’s a fact that dating site profiles with photos have a lot more success than those without. You can have your picture taken with a passport photo machine that is usually present in Wal-Mart or the arcades in most malls. If your computer system lacks the ability to scan, most one-hour photo shops have the ability to scan photos and put them on a CD so you can upload it to the dating site you prefer.

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